to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My bed smells like the plague
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
