Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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