do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Your cock deserves a montage
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
