You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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