ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
