you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
