Cold hands, warm shart.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
