theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
