i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
