that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
