Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
