The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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