I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
