I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just google imaged poop.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
