Plan B is the new Plan A
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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