I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
