It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
