Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
