I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
