We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
