so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
