Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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