I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
