guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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