He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
