i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
