That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
