my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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