Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
