Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
