omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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