Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
