That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
