if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
