dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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