i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize