I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
