this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
