My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
