let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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