My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
