One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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