You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
