We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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