my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You have to summon your inner elephant
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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