Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
