at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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