I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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