So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
