I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
