so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
