well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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