i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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