I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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