and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You ate ashes out of my bong
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
