At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
