Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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