I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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