8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
