Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
