fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
50% drunk capacity currently
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
