no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
