She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
