no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
