what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
