I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
