Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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