I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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