im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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